i'm going to kill someone. either myself or my stepdad if i don;t get out of this house within this month. i'm not joking. i have two interviews for full time jobs next week in northampton. i cant wait. i really want to move back and be with my family and peter. since my mum died this isn't my home anymore. martyn's made that clear as day. i'm in his way of happiness. So i'll get out the way, hope it doesn't kill me. if i get as close as i did a few weeks ago that night he brought his new girlfriend round, i dont think i can stop myself from cutting my wrists instead of my hand. i'm not all here since mum. she took an important part of me with her and the rest of me just wants to go be with her. i feel like my life here should have ended ages ago. my soul's moved on and it's just my body left behind. the body cant surive without the soul. I'm sorry to all my friends here reading this but there's nothing anyone can do to help me. i'll either be able to move on and continue to live or i will not. you've all helped as much as anyone can so please don't feel bad or regret anything if anything happens. if i get this job it will increase my chances of surviving by alot. If i don't, it will properly be signing my own death warrent. either way, by the end of next week i'll know whether i want to live or not.
Current Mood: stressed