I feel the best i have in months! I'm getting a car again!!! I'm having my dad's old car which i love and my brothers having my bike. No more getting wet and cold all the time, taking 15 minutes to get out the door. i can listen to music again with the window down in summer!
I feel really bad cos my sister wanted the car but i've been putting my family first for years and just this once i want to be selfish and do something that's good for me. I needed something to go right or i don't think i'll see christmas. This is prefect for me.

opps, kinda overdosed yesterday on pain meds. didn't mean to. thought i was going to have to call 999. was really sick and dizzy. my pupils were like needle pricks, i've never seen them that small. still feel bad today but no where near as bad as last night. just drinking lots of water today to flush out my kidneys.

Just a quick post to say i'm still alive

I failed my police assessment.
respect for race and diversity - 71%
Oral Communication - 100%
written communication - 22%

My fucking spelling has put my life on hold for another 6 MONTHS before i can take the assessment again. I'm pissed but i'm pissed at myself. I've worked so hard all my life to improve my spelling and grammer. I thought i was over these problems when i left school and passed English. How the fuck can i improve?! i read everyday for about 2 hours. I think i'm going to have to do like the school kids do and do writting exercises. write a word, cover the word, write it again...ahhhhhhh

Amazon has realised the shit has hit the fan and are trying to hide behind lies

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090414/tuk-amazon-sorry-for-book-sales-error-6323e80.html

I had a seriously weird and brilliant thought in the shower today. what if the guys from fruit basket transferred to Ouran High? how cool would that be :-D ! I can just see the twins picking on Kyo, honey and momiji at first not getting along and then joining forces, Tamaki trying to get Tohru and Haruhi to be friends and trying to get Yuki to wear a dress, Haru and Mori standing in the background watching everything like a tennis match and Kyoya pushing his glasses up with a grin at all the extra money having them join the host club would bring in.

just finished reading Fruits Basket. I want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was awesome!!! So brilliant!!!!

right, today's the day. i move out in about 30 minutes. My sister doesn't have internet so i'll be using mcdonalds alot  :-P
Torri- i'll pm my new address in a few days. Sorry i've not gotten back to you lately. 

see everyone around soon.
X

i got a new job. i'm now a cook and carer at a mental home, in northampton!!!! i'm moving out!!!!!!!! i'm going to live with my sister for a few months to get my bank balance up and a deposit for somewhere to rent. i can't believe it. the day has arrived. i can tell my mum is really hurt and upset but she also understands why i need to go. i just can't believe this. i asked my sister if any jobs were going at her place and the next day she calls and says the jobs mine if i want it. i feel bad for where i work at the mo. they're really short staff already and me going is going to do really bugger them up. now all i need to do is get a train down (and the money for a train ticket  :-P ) 

it's off. was able to get hold of their grandmother who came round. turns out it was the smoke alarm, no wonder it was so loud.

mum's still in hosiptal. the docs have found 2 things. an infection in her bones which they need to run more tests to see if they can cure it and air pockets in her muscles which are dangerous cos they can cause things like blocks. both could kill her. *sigh* at least they finally found something. maybe our family can stop bitching that it's all in her head. i'm tired. my dad looks like shit, my brothers not talking. there's a strong chance this will be her last christmas and it's likely to be in a hospital. i'm sick of this. everythings always so hard.

i can't believe my boss! i call and say i've got to rush my mum to hositpal and she calls back trying to baragin with me! my mum's dieing, NO I DO NOT WANT TO WORK A 5-10 INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF NO ONE CAN COVER, DO THE FUCKING SHIFT YOURSELF! ARRRRRRRRRR...................

my mum's central line has snapped and come out. this could kill her. if she gets an infection she's dead, if she doesn't get a new one put in she's dead, if she isn't strong enough to survive the surgery she's dead. do you see the problem here.

It's my birthday! Yay! i'm 22 today. I'm going down to Northampton, going bowling with Peter and i'm going to tell him i'm still in love with him! (I told him 5 years ago but he thought i didn't want him to contact me anymore so i could move on, when in fact i wanted him to give me a reason to stay and we didn't hear from each other for 5 years till i found him on friends reunited.) We've been meeting for the last few months and i think he still feels the same way about me as i do about him, fingers crossed. The way this day ends is going to have a great impact on my life. ow and some lads tried to steal my scooter yesterday. luckly some woman came out of a shop after hearing me screaming my head off and told me which way they went. i gave chase and found them. they legged it but they broke the front off to get to the wires to hot wire it. not impressed and i have to go to the police station when i get back to give a statement and get the damaged looked at.  

hehe, i'm off camping for the week! see ca friday.

i'm hooked on world of warcraft. like i had any free time as it is. *sigh*.......

this maybe my last post in a while. i had a fight with my mum again and i cant take it anymore. i'm sick of crying because of her. i have a job interview on wednesday and if i get it i'm moving that as soon as my first paycheck comes in. properly going to rent with someone. i'm sick of her fighting with me then trying to hug me and kiss me and forget everything she said, it doesn't work like that. last time i felt this low i went to slit my wrists. i cut my thumb getting the blade out and just watched the blood drip. i've never felt so numb, there was no pain no happiness, just completely numb. it was prefect. this time i don't have to think about death. because there is another way. i'm old enough to move out. i have some spare cash, i could get a train ticket, or a plane ticket. if i stay here, this circle i'm in will continue, i cant make everyone else happy and make myself happy at the same time. i'm sorry. thank you to everyone out there, must who have never met me yet still take the time to care and befriend me. your kindness has helped so much. goodbye and goodluck in your lives.